Once upon a time, Katie went to Berlin.

This is crazy! I haven't blogged in months! I guess I kind of forgot about it. Which, in a way, is kind of a good thing. Because I like to blog when I have lots of stuff in my head that I can't explain to anyone else. Which must mean I found some friends to explain it all to! Yay friends! But this is a special occasion. About six days ago, I returned from three weeks in Berlin. It was a whirlwind of a trip. Three weeks of loving the Lord, learning a new world, loving my team, and launching a movement. Three weeks of being used by God in beautiful ways. Three weeks of unforgettable moments.

The first of which is me saying, "I'm about to take a dramamine so if I get knocked up on the plane...I mean knocked OUT!!"

I could go into a bunch of details about what we did, where we went, and what we saw, but honestly, that isn't what the trip was about. Yes, I LOVED the city of Berlin. I loved sightseeing and exploring, trying döners and raspberry flavored beer, riding the Ubahn, hanging out at the Tiergarten, and I'd love to talk to you about those things, but those were just added bonuses. The heart of the trip was sharing at three universities in Berlin, Freie, TU, and Humboldt. It's where God worked through us in the most unexpected, exciting, and unbelievable ways. It's where my faith was stretched to its limits by approaching complete strangers (who can totally tell I'm American) and asking if I can eat with them/go through a survey with them/talk to them about Jesus. Responses to that question ranged from confused looks, to excited yeses, to laughs in my face. It was hard, it was humbling, but ultimately, it was good. I felt more alive than I ever have before! And I think it's because I was doing what I was created to do, to tell my story, to use my talents, to love people, and to speak the name of my Savior all for the glory of God.

One night, our team went to the Kent's house, they are a staff family who live in Berlin. Matt Kent gave this awesome presentation of things he's witnessed about Berlin, and he related it to sharing with students at the university. I'm totally gonna steal his ideas, because they really helped me understand Germans a lot better.

1. Walls. Walls are everywhere in Berlin. They divide people's properties, they keep others out (or yourself in), they say to the world that what is inside is mine, not yours. The Berlin Wall is, of course, the quintessential example. Matt pointed out that Germans even use walls in a metaphoric sense. They build up walls around themselves for protection and privacy and comfort, and they don't take them down for just anyone. This was so evident when we went sharing! Most students were definitely open to sharing their ideas and voicing their beliefs, but rarely did it get personal. Sometimes it took a lot of prodding to go deeper than just answering survey questions.

2. Hofs. German buildings are seriously cool. First of all, some are so old that they still have damage from World War II bombs which was pretty insane. Second of all, they were all so beautiful and colorful and different! One major difference was the size of the buildings. The same building would stretch for an entire block! There would be multiple different shops and cafes, but they would all be connected under the same roof. Now this is characteristic of lots of big cities, they cram as much business as they can on one street. However, Berlin buildings (and I think most German cities too) have these things called hofs. From the outside looking in, the buildings are tall, huge, and pretty intimidating. But if you were to see an aerial shot of the city, you would see outdoor courtyards in the middle of nearly every building where people sit and talk and eat. It was so cool to see a whole different world on the inside than the outside. And this also relates perfectly to German students. Maybe they'll seem really cold or have rough exteriors or are really difficult to approach (which so many were). But we had to remember that on the inside, they are people just like us. They have dreams and hopes and secrets and pasts. And God created them, just like us. And He knitted them together just the way they are. And He led us to them to get to know their "hofs" a little bit, to catch a glimpse of the beauty within them, and to use us to introduce them to Himself.

3. Bikes. Pretty much every day we walked around the city we would find ourselves in the middle of the bike lane, which is not only a cultural mistake, but also a safety hazard because bikes do not slow down. And they are everywhere. Now one of the first things I noticed about the bikes is that nobody locks them up to bike racks or poles or really anything. They have locks, but they simply lock the tire to the bike frame and leave it wherever. I was so baffled! In America those bikes would get stolen in like ten minutes. Matt Kent blew my mind with this last metaphor. So many German students essentially make up their own religions. When we would do Perspective cards with them (which is a survey that asks for perspectives on the nature of God, the nature of man, the purpose of life, who is Jesus, and what is the source of spiritual truth) none of their answers would line up, and sometimes they wouldn't even contradict themselves, making no logical sense. Which, it turns out, didn't really bother them at all. It's as if they locked their beliefs only to themselves, not an institutionalized religion, not a leader, not what their parents taught them. In a way, that was refreshing. They don't blindly believe something because everybody else does, they think for themselves. But on the other hand, it was kind of frightening. They are not anchored to anything. They have nowhere to turn when they are lost or alone or confused, except themselves. There is nothing bigger than themselves that they can hold onto. They are like bikes sitting on the side of the road locked up to themselves -- it seems like they're safe because no one can ride them away, but how easily can they be picked up and carried.

Walls, hofs, and bikes are such good ways to think about German students and their responses to the Gospel. I hope that helps you get a little sense of what it was like to share in Berlin. As long as I find some more time to blog, I'll share some more stories about what God was up to :)

Peace.

Like a sun comin out of a rainy sky.

One of the things I love most about my Father is that no matter how long I spend in his word or how many Sunday sermons I hear or how many times a piece of Truth clicks in my noggin, I'm not even CLOSE to fathoming the depth of who He is. Every noggin of the the entire human race isn't even close! He's big.

So one of the first things Mike Whipple, the speaker at Fall Retreat, asked us to do on Friday night was to pray that God would teach us something that weekend. I prayed it. But I didn't really expect anything. Especially since the topic for the night was "Radical Decision" which I had already made. But something he said about God's character made me think of something I learned in D-time a few weeks ago: When our perception of God is distorted, it clouds our view of him so much that our relationship with him becomes tainted and we cannot walk with him the way he intends. Every sin can be traced back to that idea. Adam and Eve perceived that God was holding out on them, so they disobeyed his commands and chose their own path, apart from their Creator. And as Mr. Whipple kept talking, I realized I had been letting my view of God get pretty cloudy recently.

The focus of his talk was on making the decision to follow Jesus. And the number one reason we can make that decision is because of who Jesus is.

1. He is GOOD and his intentions toward me are good. Jeremiah 29:11. That's one of my favorite Bible verses, and yet I had forgotten that it was true for me! He puts each of our names in that verse: "For I know the plans for you, Katie, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." And he means it.

2. He is wise and He knows what is best for me. Can I argue with that? Can I honestly say that I am a better judge of how my life should pan out? Uhhh no. Jeremiah 10:12 says that "It is HE who made the earth by his power, who established the world by his freedom, and by his understanding stretched out the heavens." The one who did all that, who continues to hold the universe in the palms of his hands, is in control of my life! And everything he was and is and will be is like a giant face palm that reminds me that I am completely hopeless on my own and by his incredible MERCY, he puts up with my whining.

3. He is FAITHFUL and TRUSTWORTHY. This is the hardest part for me. Even though I know in my heart and soul that not one word has failed of all the good things that the LORD has promised [Joshua 23:14]. I get so frustrated with myself sometimes. He is God, and I am a little girl. Why do I continually trust myself more than Him? And once again, why does He put up with that? Well, he loves me. In spite of my doubts and my questions and my frustration and impatience, he can't get enough of me. And if he has to show me his faithfulness and trustworthiness over and over until the day I see him face to face, he will. And he will delight in doing so. Because he loves to walk through life with me! And he loves to teach and re-teach and re-re-teach me things about himself because he desperately wants my view of him to be clear!

On a semi-related note, I discovered a new David Crowder Band song! They played it at their concert last week (Best concert I've ever been to. Forizzle.) It's called Let me feel you shine. And I really really like this one part:

I lift the knife to the thing I love most, 

praying you'll come so I can have both. 

What I need is for you to touch me, 

what I need is for you to be the thing that I need.

What beautiful boldness would I have if I could live my life in constant surrender of the things I hold most dear, trusting that the LORD is good and that He will come through for me.

Desires and delights.

My plans are so safe.
My little bubble of security is like a guarantee that I won't be caught off guard.
It all seems so good to me.
Why can't I just get what I want?
Why can't my designs be fool proof?

Maybe it's because I was made for more.
More than a safe and secure life.
More than a bubble.
More than perfection.
More than my plans for myself.

John 3:30 says, "He must increase, but I must decrease."

HE must become greater, I must become less.
HE must be magnified, I must be microscopic.

I'm not here for me.

I'm here to proclaim the name of Jesus to all corners of the Earth.
I'm here to prepare the way of the LORD. Like John the Baptist - I'm here to give GLORY to the One who was and is and is to come.
I'm here to point others to the LORD of the universe.
How can my hopes/dreams/goals/plans be greater than that?

The thread of my life is being weaved in this magnificent tapestry. Do I trust the weaver even when I can't see the masterpiece he is creating?
There is freedom in that trust. There is joy in that faith. And there is life in the fullest way imaginable when I bow before Him and LET GO.

"Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart" [Psalm 37:4]

I think God is saying Rest in me. I think he sees how disappointed and tired we feel when we place our trust in ourselves.
And I think in this verse "delight" and "desire" are interchangeable.
What if it said:

"Desire the LORD, and He will be the delight of your heart."

That humbles me so much.

Because it doesn't say be a Christian and you'll always get what you want.

It says surrender yourself and dance before your King and your desire will be for Him.

What if I prayed the line in the Lord's prayer,

"Your will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven,"

and really meant it?

What if I said "God this is what I want for me. But I trust in you so much that I am willing to let go of it. Because my heart knows that your way is better."
I think my life would change because I would be completely satisfied in letting Him have His way in me.

Knowledge extravaganza part three: GRACE

I think one of the things that sets Christianity apart from so many other ways of life is that it is a constant process. Yeah, I'm saved from the moment I invite Jesus into my heart as my savior, but that doesn't mean by any means that I live that way. This summer I learned that sometimes I still live like I'm in chains.

One of the first things I learned on project was from my Bible study leader, Lindsay. It stuck with me for the whole eight weeks because it was something I had never made true in my life: Because of what Christ has done for me, I am no longer a sinner but a saint. If Christ is within me, I have His nature. It sounds crazy doesn't it? And let me clarify that it doesn't mean I don't sin or I don't struggle with temptations, it means that I am not condemned for it. Something else that struck me was the fact that so many people know the beginning of Romans 3:23 (For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God), but THERE'S A SECOND PART.

"And all are justified by grace as a gift through the redemption of Jesus Christ."

Yes, I absolutely fall short of the glory of God. But that doesn't mean I get to feel sorry for myself or wallow in my mistakes or feel too unworthy to be loved by Him. It means I can CELEBRATE because when the Father looks at me, he sees his son. He sees the light of Jesus shining through me and he is PLEASED.

I feel like the Gospel is hard to hear sometimes because it reveals how unholy we are. And it points out our brokenness, our darkness, our pain, our fear, our lonliness, our sin. But I think the true definition of unholy isn't full of sin, I think it's void of God. Because He IS holiness. He is completely good, completely love, completely sinless - He can't be anything BUT holy. So I think the unholiness of this world, of our hearts and thoughts and actions is a pretty easy thing to dwell on, to sit in, to let consume us with pity and hopelessness and apathy.

But when we grasp what the LORD did for us in sending His son, in becoming flesh, in being nailed to a cross - holiness becomes attainable. Because we have been RECONCILED with our Maker, we can be holy as He is holy. There is no more shame, no more condemnation. There is only HE who is alive in us. I am restored to oneness with Him. And His holiness is reflected on me so much that I am a BLINDING light that cuts the darkness of sin like a knife.

He has called me His own in spite of my unholiness so I can call His holiness my own. That's what Grace is: a sinner becoming a SAINT through the holiness of Jesus.

The story of the bleeding woman is one of my favorites [Luke 8:40-48]. Something about it reminds me so much of myself. Not that I'm an outcast of society or have a strange disease, but I know how being hopeless and desperate feels. And I too have tried to heal myself and produce an identity for myself and survive by myself. And that might as well be a disease. Let's be honest, when I take control of my life and hold onto my sins and fears, I'm not living as the saint He has created me to be. But when I reach out my hand, He's there. And He knows me by touch. One look at me and He sees all I've been through, all my pain. He sees how desperately I need Him. And He sees what I've done - my guilt and shame - but he doesn't hold it against me. He gazes into my eyes and gives me new worth. And in that moment, I know I'm His forever.

The coolest part about the story is that Scripture gives the woman no name, but Jesus calls her "Daughter." And isn't that what He does for each of us? He gives us an identity not by our own worth or works, but IN HIM and THROUGH GRACE.

Knowledge extravaganza part two: HOPE

Hi there friends!

Sorry for the long break between parts one and two for those who have been waiting...aka Memsies. I've been distracted by packing and cleaning and meijering and dairy queening and stuff! But now I'm back at Purdue sitting at my new desk in my new room with my new roommate in her gross cheerleading shirt. And it is wonderful. It's been a whirlwind of meeting SO MANY new people and squealing out "oh my gosh it's so good to see you!!" SO MANY times. But it's been AWESOME!! It feels like I'm picking up right where I left off, which is really cool. And lots of people are askin about project so I get to talk about it a ton and it's really really fun :)

So...I learned something really cool this summer. Let me start by saying that elementary week of camp was seriously one of the hardest things I have endured. Four girls tested me to my limits and pushed me to my breaking point and gave me more attitude than I thought was possible for eight year olds. By the grace of God and the help of my co-counselors Carissa and Megan, we did it. Throughout the week, I got to have one-on-one time with one of our girls, Sabrina. At the beginning of the week, she was having trouble fitting in, and she even thought about leaving our cabin. She was so upset that she started crying and she ended up sharing a lot of what was going on in her life at home. I didn't know how to respond. She looked so broken as she told me of the abuse she had received from two men in her life. I makes me sick to think of how much pain she has faced in such a short time on this earth. My arms around her shoulders didn't feel like nearly enough.

By Wednesday, I was feeling so led to talk to her. I knew how much she needed to hear that she is loved MAGNIFICENTLY by a Father who would never hurt her. So we met together and she shared more about her life, and how utterly hopeless she felt. I told her about my relationship with Jesus. How he died for me, and he died for her. How he created the whole world and how he desires for us to know him. And I asked her what she thought and she shrugged and said she didn't know if she even believed in God. And it was like all of a sudden I realized, she was encompassed by an unbelievable amount of pain, shame, darkness, and fear, and she didn't have a Savior. She was alone. She was empty of hope, because she had no one to be her hope.

It was hard. It was really really hard. All I kept thinking was, how is she going to make it? How is she going to go back home and be okay? I wanted to keep her with me so she wouldn't have to face the ugliness and the sin that stole so many pieces from her heart. And I kept praying, God show yourself to her! Burst through the clouds and speak her name! She needs you, can't you see it? But I thought of how much love I had for this little girl, this beautiful little girl who still smiles after all she's been through. And then I thought of how much love her Papa has for her. He knows her in and out, he knew her before she was born, and he is holding her in his hands. He is moving in her life. He is moving toward her, always. And he is calling out her name LOUD. Because he can see how much she needs him, how he is the only thing she needs. Because in him is all the hope in the world.

And I needed some of that hope too. A lot of it, actually. Because I knew I wouldn't be seeing her again. I knew she would go home and life would continue as usual. But God reminded me so sweetly of how he brought her to camp. He gave her a week in his glorious presence. And he KNOWS what lies ahead for her. So I am thankful. So incredibly thankful that he brought her into my life this summer, and he used me to show himself to her. And he has taught me that his word shall not return empty [Isaiah 55:11] and that he will complete the good works he starts [Philippians 1:6].

I will think of Sabrina, and hope in the LORD that she hears his whisper. When I hear these lines form"Jesus Paid it All":

And now indeed I find

thy power and thine alone

can change the leper's spot

and melt this heart of stone.

I pray with everything in me that she will put her hope in THE ONE TRUE GOD who has the power to  restore her brokenness through grace.

_________

CLASSES START TOMORROW OH MY ACHIN TENTACLES

It's gonna be a good year.

Knowledge extravaganza part one: JOY

I knew there was a good reason God gave me this desire to go to Colorado: He had stuff to teach me that He could only teach me there. Seriously, there have been things I've been struggling with for MONTHS that I've finally let go of and laid at His feet. There have been so many things I've heard before that haven't truly clicked until I heard them at Snowridge. And the cool part is, it's not stopping. He's building on more and more and sometimes I feel like my brain is going to explode and my heart is going to burst but I LOVE IT! He is good. Even if He has to break my legs to make me lie down in green pastures, He is good.

So, there are three parts to this knowledge extravaganza: Joy, Hope, and Grace. These words have changed their meanings for me. I hope I explain what I've learned well enough and God reveals something new to you too :)

This is what I think of when I think of Joy:

For you shall go out in

JOY

and be led forth in peace.

The mountains before you shall

break forth into singing,

and all the trees of the field

shall clap their hands.

Isaiah 55:12

What the heck?? That is the coolest thing I have ever read. Mountains are singing and trees are clapping their hands. Why? Because they are filled with this unexplainable JOY that comes from their CREATOR. That's the kind of Joy that He wants me to have too.

I didn't believe that for the longest time. I thought the inescapable sadness I felt so often was my fault. I felt shame in my sense of hopelessness. I didn't think I deserved Joy because I couldn't find it on my own. God is more than willing to play the role of Superman and fly me out of that pit, but man, He wants more for me. And I think He spoke to me this summer. I was surrounded by darkness and He whispered ask for my Joy. So I did. I prayed for something I had never given a second thought to. Joy. Awhile ago, I think the lie was planted in my head that finding Joy was my responsibility. That if I wasn't constantly overflowing with pure Joy all the time, I was doing something wrong. DUMB. My Joy comes from Him, and He is glad to pour it over me.

I read this book I found in Ute lodge (where all the girls on project stayed. Also known as Uterus lodge...) called The Furious Longing of God and something the author, Brennan Manning, suggests doing is holding out your palms, closing your eyes and saying "Abba, I belong to you." I think that's beautiful. And I guess it's my way of saying "God I need you right now. I need to be reminded that you love me, that you created me for good works and you are leading me to walk in them. LORD, fill me with the Joy that comes from knowing these things. Put the biggest smile on my face because I belong to you." I say that simple phrase, and everything changes. The battle that's raging in my heart comes to a hault because with those words, the enemy FLEES. Joy is powerful stuff.

There's a little snippet for ya. Forrealsies, don't be afraid to ask for Joy.

Here's a random picture of a freakin cool Colorado rainbow.
Papa's a SWEET painter.

[Abba, I belong to YOU]

BAMBI.

You know what I think is really super cool? When God answers silly little prayers that are just kind of said in passing. To him, I don't think they're silly at all. I think he loves that we ask him for things. My last blog was pretty much about this same kind of thing: God loves to wow us. So about a week ago (and this was also inspired by the book Captivating) I was like God, it would be awesome if you showed me something really cool in your creation before I leave. And a part of me felt kind of guilty for asking that. Like I need more than what he's already done for me? But I'm starting to realize that thinking like that is pretty twisted. He is rich in mercy and abounding in love. RICH and ABOUNDING. His blessings are neverending! And when we go to him and ask him to show up in big ways and small, he is glorified.

So, today God showed me something pretty spectacular. It was a baby deer. She was born under the porch of one of the cabins and her mom was standing by waiting for her to take her first steps. Actually, the baby was kind of stuck under the steps and unable to get up on her own, so Judy (a wonderful lady who partially owns the camp / cooks / is our resident Grandma this summer) went over and picked up the teensy little baby and moved her out from under the steps. She was still all slimy from being born! Judy said she was about 20 minutes old. It was SO COOL. And it was the most adorable thing I have ever seen.

Thanks Papa :)