Desires and delights.

My plans are so safe.
My little bubble of security is like a guarantee that I won't be caught off guard.
It all seems so good to me.
Why can't I just get what I want?
Why can't my designs be fool proof?

Maybe it's because I was made for more.
More than a safe and secure life.
More than a bubble.
More than perfection.
More than my plans for myself.

John 3:30 says, "He must increase, but I must decrease."

HE must become greater, I must become less.
HE must be magnified, I must be microscopic.

I'm not here for me.

I'm here to proclaim the name of Jesus to all corners of the Earth.
I'm here to prepare the way of the LORD. Like John the Baptist - I'm here to give GLORY to the One who was and is and is to come.
I'm here to point others to the LORD of the universe.
How can my hopes/dreams/goals/plans be greater than that?

The thread of my life is being weaved in this magnificent tapestry. Do I trust the weaver even when I can't see the masterpiece he is creating?
There is freedom in that trust. There is joy in that faith. And there is life in the fullest way imaginable when I bow before Him and LET GO.

"Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart" [Psalm 37:4]

I think God is saying Rest in me. I think he sees how disappointed and tired we feel when we place our trust in ourselves.
And I think in this verse "delight" and "desire" are interchangeable.
What if it said:

"Desire the LORD, and He will be the delight of your heart."

That humbles me so much.

Because it doesn't say be a Christian and you'll always get what you want.

It says surrender yourself and dance before your King and your desire will be for Him.

What if I prayed the line in the Lord's prayer,

"Your will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven,"

and really meant it?

What if I said "God this is what I want for me. But I trust in you so much that I am willing to let go of it. Because my heart knows that your way is better."
I think my life would change because I would be completely satisfied in letting Him have His way in me.

Knowledge extravaganza part three: GRACE

I think one of the things that sets Christianity apart from so many other ways of life is that it is a constant process. Yeah, I'm saved from the moment I invite Jesus into my heart as my savior, but that doesn't mean by any means that I live that way. This summer I learned that sometimes I still live like I'm in chains.

One of the first things I learned on project was from my Bible study leader, Lindsay. It stuck with me for the whole eight weeks because it was something I had never made true in my life: Because of what Christ has done for me, I am no longer a sinner but a saint. If Christ is within me, I have His nature. It sounds crazy doesn't it? And let me clarify that it doesn't mean I don't sin or I don't struggle with temptations, it means that I am not condemned for it. Something else that struck me was the fact that so many people know the beginning of Romans 3:23 (For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God), but THERE'S A SECOND PART.

"And all are justified by grace as a gift through the redemption of Jesus Christ."

Yes, I absolutely fall short of the glory of God. But that doesn't mean I get to feel sorry for myself or wallow in my mistakes or feel too unworthy to be loved by Him. It means I can CELEBRATE because when the Father looks at me, he sees his son. He sees the light of Jesus shining through me and he is PLEASED.

I feel like the Gospel is hard to hear sometimes because it reveals how unholy we are. And it points out our brokenness, our darkness, our pain, our fear, our lonliness, our sin. But I think the true definition of unholy isn't full of sin, I think it's void of God. Because He IS holiness. He is completely good, completely love, completely sinless - He can't be anything BUT holy. So I think the unholiness of this world, of our hearts and thoughts and actions is a pretty easy thing to dwell on, to sit in, to let consume us with pity and hopelessness and apathy.

But when we grasp what the LORD did for us in sending His son, in becoming flesh, in being nailed to a cross - holiness becomes attainable. Because we have been RECONCILED with our Maker, we can be holy as He is holy. There is no more shame, no more condemnation. There is only HE who is alive in us. I am restored to oneness with Him. And His holiness is reflected on me so much that I am a BLINDING light that cuts the darkness of sin like a knife.

He has called me His own in spite of my unholiness so I can call His holiness my own. That's what Grace is: a sinner becoming a SAINT through the holiness of Jesus.

The story of the bleeding woman is one of my favorites [Luke 8:40-48]. Something about it reminds me so much of myself. Not that I'm an outcast of society or have a strange disease, but I know how being hopeless and desperate feels. And I too have tried to heal myself and produce an identity for myself and survive by myself. And that might as well be a disease. Let's be honest, when I take control of my life and hold onto my sins and fears, I'm not living as the saint He has created me to be. But when I reach out my hand, He's there. And He knows me by touch. One look at me and He sees all I've been through, all my pain. He sees how desperately I need Him. And He sees what I've done - my guilt and shame - but he doesn't hold it against me. He gazes into my eyes and gives me new worth. And in that moment, I know I'm His forever.

The coolest part about the story is that Scripture gives the woman no name, but Jesus calls her "Daughter." And isn't that what He does for each of us? He gives us an identity not by our own worth or works, but IN HIM and THROUGH GRACE.