Relationships are tricky. And I really have no understanding whatsoever as to HOW IN THE WORLD there can be those people that are Mr./Ms. Popular Perky Pants who are friends with EVERYBODY. Yeah, I'll admit it. I'm super jealous of those people sometimes. They are so...lucky. Everbody knows them. And everybody likes them. Not only that, they seem to have relationships with everybody. How. Is. That. Possible.
With me, it's like there's this wall. And outside the wall is awkward city because I SUCK at meeting new people. Really, I'm terrible. But for whatever reason, some people are able to climb the wall. Or maybe it's me that's doing the climbing. Either way, over time, I show glimpses of myself until finally, the guard is completely down. But it takes a very long time. And I really hate that. Why can't I be Ms. Popular Perky Pants? I know what you're thinking, "Well Kaitlyn, it's because you're shy." I just involuntarily grimaced. I detest that word. Shy. [shudders] I HATE being called shy. Am I part of some freakish breed of human that is born with this annoying invisible wall that normal people don't have? Ummm no. I refuse to believe that.
I think we all have walls. Even Ms. Popular Perky Pants. I think everybody is shy in their own special way. It's just that people are different. Some people are better at, well, being themselves. And some people are less confident. Or, to put it another way: Some people are way over the top with being who they are while others reserve themselves for a handful of people. One's not better than the other, they're just different. And I think "shy" people should have equal rights when it comes to relationships. Starting with not being immediately labeled as "shy." Because it's demeaning, honestly.
If anybody calls me shy, I'll sock em in the kissa.
Our walls are there to protect us and if you try to knock them down to fast you'll feel like your loosing control. That was what living with she-who-must-not-be-named was like. I was meeting new boys every night at three in the morning. I was on South all the time. I pushed myself to be like that and I ended up being corned in my room by a creepy guy who is now in my phone as "the creeper" the last thing he texted me being "where are you" haha. By being yourself you have attracted a great group of friends in Indiana. I came home and realized I have nothing left in STL I don't know what that says about me but I'm done with STL I'm not coming back. Take your time and trust your instincts. You're a smart cookie.
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ReplyDeleteyou're not shy. it's hard to meet new people and to just start up a conversation. i struggle with it. it's hard when you know that other people judge you. just know that i'm always here to talk when you need me. i love you!!
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