Stuff.

Good grief. Once again it's like one in the morning. What. Is. Wrong. With. Me.

Whatevs. Inspiration strikes at strange times. You know, I don't really have much to say. Just felt like bloggin. Ya know, givin a shout out to my peeps and what not. So consider this an update. Hold on a sec, let me adjust my position cuz both my butt and foot have fallen asleep.

Let us begin.

I got back from Florida on Monday! And besides Christmas morning and praising God for his greatest gift, the best part of the trip was [drumroll please] The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. One of my new favorite places on earth. And I've got a tshirt, a butterbeer mug, and four pairs of socks (each one featuring a different Hogwarts house) to remind me of the wonderful experience. I won't give too much away about the actually Harry Potter ride in case you get the chance to go someday, but let me tell you, there's some dementers up in there, and I was forced to scream like a little girl and cover my eyes. Awesome.

I'm feelin kinda disappointed because I wasn't able to go to IndyCC or Passion this year, though I REALLY wanted to go to both. Maybe I'll just blast some worship music really loud in my room and then go read my Bible on the roof or somethin.

WHAT THE DICKENS?? I just found out that Gungor is gonna be at Passion! I love them! Frick frick frickity frick [pouty face]

I saw Tangled on Monday. It was so darn good! Mandy Moore was the perfect voice. And seriously the part with all the paper lanterns gave me chills. ALSO Voyage of the Dawn Treader is fantastic. Made me cry both times I saw it. Gosh, the ending with Aslan is just beautiful. I love C.S. Lewis. And Edmund. He's a cutie.

I'm planning on becoming a knitting fool. I got some looms for Christmas, and I already made a scarf! It's blue and soft. And looking for an owner. So... if anyone needs a soft blue scarf... Frank is totally here for you. Actually I think I want to put some fringe on him first. Hold that thought. I've been feeling very do-it-yourself-y lately. Something about things you make yourself is so much better than things you buy. I'm starting to live by the new philosophy that if I can make it, I don't need to buy it. It's fun.

Yesterday I stayed in my jam jams all day. True story. And making Frank was the only thing I did. Besides watching My Fair Wedding. And eating. I'm calling it a mental health day.

Okay, this post is getting into TMI territory. And patheticness territory. Let's wrap her up with a poem!

A deep breath and a smile.
Because fears are turning into possibilities,
worry is becoming joy,
and the face that once held tears is now dry.
Valleys and mountains are both beautiful
when you are there with me.
So whether I'm low or high,
hold my hand,
and I know the sun will shine.

Hope your Christmas was warm and cozy! But it probably wasn't as warm as mine cuz mine was in Florida!

Late night...somethings.

I don't want to say this is a "revelation." I don't want to say anything life altering / earth shattering.
Even though, that's honestly how I feel right now.
But I mean, with my emotions these days...who the flip honestly knows.
And I'm getting frustrated with myself for the hyporcrisy of what I say in my blog and how I act.
So, let's get honest here folks. I'm not perfect. I never will be. I'm trying really hard to do my best, but I fail.

This blog post is about how distancing myself from God always results in failure.

Today was not good. To say the least. Very low point for me. BUT with the help of some narcotics and some amazing people and this show called Sing Off, I was finally able to feel like a happy, normal individual. And then, this evening, at approximately 11:49, I was finally able to pray a prayer I've been needing for about five days now. For some reason, I was running. I was hiding. I was ignoring the pangs in my heart to come before Papa and let go of all the things I've been holding onto so tightly. And it's weird because five days doesn't seem like that long, but five days of trying to deal with everything on my own? It seemed like five years away from God. And honestly, the thing is, I wasn't away from him for five days straight. I read my bible a few times. I wrote out some prayers. I had a nice drive with him from Logansport to Indy. But it wasn't enough. I was turning God on and off like a light switch. He wasn't holding my heart, I was ripping it back from him when I wanted to, when I felt like I could handle things again. I wasn't letting him walk beside my every step. And it was not a pretty picture.

So, long, complicated story short: I need my Father. In every moment. Of every day. In every situation. In every high and low. In every twist and turn. Running away from him results in me feeling completely alone and totally helpless. But the truth is, even when I feel that way, he's always within reach. And when I finally grab his hand, the joy and peace and grace and pure love I feel is instantaneous. It's astounding. He. Is. So. Good.

I'm going to work on living that out. Giving him my every moment. And seeing what happens, what amazing things he can do.

Bring it home, Philly.