Late night...somethings.

I don't want to say this is a "revelation." I don't want to say anything life altering / earth shattering.
Even though, that's honestly how I feel right now.
But I mean, with my emotions these days...who the flip honestly knows.
And I'm getting frustrated with myself for the hyporcrisy of what I say in my blog and how I act.
So, let's get honest here folks. I'm not perfect. I never will be. I'm trying really hard to do my best, but I fail.

This blog post is about how distancing myself from God always results in failure.

Today was not good. To say the least. Very low point for me. BUT with the help of some narcotics and some amazing people and this show called Sing Off, I was finally able to feel like a happy, normal individual. And then, this evening, at approximately 11:49, I was finally able to pray a prayer I've been needing for about five days now. For some reason, I was running. I was hiding. I was ignoring the pangs in my heart to come before Papa and let go of all the things I've been holding onto so tightly. And it's weird because five days doesn't seem like that long, but five days of trying to deal with everything on my own? It seemed like five years away from God. And honestly, the thing is, I wasn't away from him for five days straight. I read my bible a few times. I wrote out some prayers. I had a nice drive with him from Logansport to Indy. But it wasn't enough. I was turning God on and off like a light switch. He wasn't holding my heart, I was ripping it back from him when I wanted to, when I felt like I could handle things again. I wasn't letting him walk beside my every step. And it was not a pretty picture.

So, long, complicated story short: I need my Father. In every moment. Of every day. In every situation. In every high and low. In every twist and turn. Running away from him results in me feeling completely alone and totally helpless. But the truth is, even when I feel that way, he's always within reach. And when I finally grab his hand, the joy and peace and grace and pure love I feel is instantaneous. It's astounding. He. Is. So. Good.

I'm going to work on living that out. Giving him my every moment. And seeing what happens, what amazing things he can do.

Bring it home, Philly.