The elm in winter.

This was my first workshop poem! Aka the class is gonna rip it to shreds on wednesday when they critique it. Good times. Wish me luck!

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The Elm in Winter

My feet trudge through a trench of snow, like boulders.

Hanging like a wilted flower from its stem,

my head is fixed on the frozen earth.

My spirit is hollow, as the dry log of the ancient elm that stands,

crooked and coiled, before me.

Twigs drip tears of mournful snow from brittle branches,

longing for green,

shaking and cracking from a frigid gust of winter wind.

I crumple like a lifeless leaf,

aimlessly to the unforgiving ground.

I align my tired spine with yours,

two weary companions, we lean.

But as I sink into your rugged core,

a pulse of my heart, or yours,

a lurch of life, a jolt of energy,

radiates an awakening of warmth between our trunks.

At once, I feel your limbs around me in an embrace,

the touch of your sandpaper bark like a kiss against my skin.

Far beneath your wooded armor,

your xylem and phloem slowly squeeze vital sap,

your life blood,

from your roots in the dirt to your branches,

your outstretched arms,

dancing against winter’s sky.

Your spirit thrives, rooted within your skeleton.

I feel it consume your veins like a quiet flame,

as the breeze flows through your fingers to my lungs,

breathing the small hope of life into my soul,

resisting the ease of death.

Prey.

Okay, this one was kinda weird. I had to start it with the words "Truth is the mosquito bite..." Why? Oh who knows. Somethin about imagery or metaphors or somethin.
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Prey

Truth is the mosquito bite,

stinging and throbbing,

a mark of survival,

the thirst for blood.

Like a leper’s spot or a malignant mole,

the beast has marked her victim,

and disfigured its defenseless hide,

swiftly, without warning.

And now she has you,

consumed, burning, perpetually clawing

at the meager speck of a wound,

seeking relief from the prickling itch.

Though her dagger is a mere thistle,

and her power shrinks in a breath,

you are her prey,

now and always,

a sweet and hopeless carcass.

That blue hour.

Here you go, adoring fans. The first of many poems I've written for my creative writing class.

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That Blue Hour

In that blue hour,

when the stars are within reach,

you meet me,

you take my hand,

and we will fly.

Yes, we will soar above the world of impossibilities,

and of the persistent clamor of time,

and when we land,

the stars will become fireflies,

dancing against a backdrop of black,

and as we spin,

a sweet, distant breeze will stroke our faces.

And nothing will matter anymore,

we will be too far away,

in our clandestine world of black and white.

But all my hope cannot hold those fireflies close,

they will dart again to their holes in the sky,

as the ambient light radiates,

like a slow burning flame,

piercing the darkness,

deeper,

until a great spindle of light consumes the horizon in a fiery blaze.

And we will watch our world melt and crack,

like a delicate sheet of glassy ice,

and our hands will loosen their grasps as we fall,

through the flames,

down,

once more to our separate cages.

As dawn reduces twilight to ashes,

and Aurora sings the harsh sun into the sky,

my eyes will open to see wavelengths of red and orange,

smoldering through the window pane.

And you will be as far from me as the stars are once again,

a distant memory,

a hopeful dream,

a frozen image confined to my surreal, imagined world,

like of one Dalí’s elephants,

or a single shooting star,

light-years away,

whose tail disappears in a wave of daylight,

almost as soon as it catches my eye.

Upperdater.

Let me start off by saying that this one doesn't really have a point...

I just have been writing a TON for my creative writing class (no, really?) and reading a bunch for my com and English classes (also, big shocker) so blogging has been kind of a second thought. But no way am I complaining. I feel so blessed because for the first time in a WHILE, I feel like I'm in the right place at the right time doing the right thing. I'm growing close with some lovely people here at Purdue, I'm enjoying my classes, and I'm pretty darn content. I mean, yeah I catch myself in lonely moments sometimes, wishing things were different, but I'm leaning on my Father in those moments. Asking for his strength. Working on trusting him with every aspect of my life.

What I'm really excited for is this summer...potentially. I would absolutely LOVE to go on a summer project with CRU to Yellowstone. I applied and everything, and I pray that God will lead me exactly where he wants me to be, even if it's not there. But GOSH, wouldn't that be amazing? Meeting new people, spending tons of time in fellowship, serving others as much as I can, connecting with God in new ways, and living in one of the most beautiful places on the gol-darn planet?? (or so I've heard) Sigh. Sounds perfect to me :)

So that's the haps in my thrilling life these past couple weeks back at school.
Hope y'all iz doin well too!

You are making me new.

I don't share my prayers on my blog very often, but this is different. I was at Starbucks last week and I knew I needed to say some things to the Lord. But I didn't know THIS was going to happen. I think it was the Spirit. I didn't stop writing for at least an hour, and I didn't care that tears were streaming down my face. It was a beautiful moment. And I wanted to share it with you.
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God, I am restless about so many things right now. But I am comforted knowing that when I come before you, you will give me rest. Every time Lord, without fail. I praise you for that, Father. I am so thankful that you keep no record of how many times I mess up or lose my temper or hide from you or turn away from things you want me to do. Thank you for your forgiveness. Thank you for looking at what is at the core of my heart, not all the messy layers that I've built up for myself.

Those layers are the worst.

They keep me from you because they keep me from who I am, who I really am beneath it all - my heart that belongs to you and my desire to glorify you, and my love for others, for life, and for your creation, my passion for writing and for changing the world, the good things about me - all comes from you. I know it does. Because you are my identity - you have called me your daughter and you have breathed your life into me so that I am no longer living for myself, but for you.

I know you love me, Papa. I know it because I've felt glimpses of your love, and even glimpses have left me in awe. And Lord, I want to serve you. Not only that, I want to journey through life with you, forever holding your hand, forever trusting your touch, forever following where you lead. I want to know you more. I want to grow and meditate and flourish by your word alone. I want to be consumed and transformed by your love. I know that is the only way to love a joyful life - live for you. Because you are the true source of joy. I love you so much, Father. You are the Lord of the universe and yet you laid down your life for me, so that I may know you in this world and live eternally with you in your kingdom. And that is my only desire - to be in love with you forever, to be with you forever, to be surrounded by your love forever.

God, this world is broken, and I am too. I am so weary and restless and alone - but most of all, I am in need of you. But it's those layers again. I'm not good enough. I've made too many mistakes. I don't deserve to be happy. I'll always be alone. I don't know who I am. Those thoughts, and many more, haunt me. They crash against me over and over and they leave me bruised and afraid. And it's so hard when I find myself in these moments, it's so hard to hear your voice, to see your light. To know that these layers of shame and worthlessness do not define me. All I want to do is cover my face and my ears and block out everything. All I want to do is disappear because I feel like every piece of me, every good thing about me, is gone, and I'll never be myself again.

I become lost for awhile, but you never leave me.

Somewhere in the distance, the sound of you knocking on the door of my heart is echoing. Somewhere your hand is reaching for my shoulder, waiting for me to turn and around and embrace you. And somewhere in the pit of my heart is a light. A light of hope and love and grace. A light that you put there so many years ago. A light that will never lose its flame, no matter how hard the wind blows, or the waves crash, or the darkness creeps in. It will still be there - a beacon for my weary soul, a source of warmth for my cold spirit, and the fuel that keeps my heart beating and my lungs breathing.

It is you, Father.

Your love makes me who I am, your love marks me as your daughter, your love saves me when I think I'm hopeless and alone. And soon, the layers melt away - because they were never there to stay. And I am reminded, beautifully and perfectly reminded, of who you are, and who I am in you. And soon the light spreads like a fire, and every fragment of my being is enveloped in its warmth. I'm not hiding anymore, I'm not ashamed, and most wonderful of all, I am not alone. You are with me, like you've been all alone. You are holding my hand and whispering the sweetest words in my ear, stroking my hair, and wiping away my tears.

God, you are my savior, not only because of your death on the cross, but for every moment of my life, every beat of my heart and breath of my lungs. Your love is the same now and forever - and it will never leave me. I love you. Oh Lord, I love you so. Thank you for giving me your light and for making me who I am. Thank you for making me new.

Amen.

Maybe I spoke too soon.

I've thrown away
so many things that could've been much more.
And I just pray
my problems go away if they're ignored,
but that's not the way it works,
no that's not the way it works.