Reassurance.

Well, I'm a girl. I overthink things, I panic when something unexpected happens, I am constantly worried and anxious about everything. A couple weeks ago, I was trying to reassure Becca that things always work out how they're meant to, and I ended up reassuring myself too.

___________________________________________

I discovered recently that the details of our lives shouldn't be that important. What's important is the big picture, the ultimate goal. And, for me, that's all about God. Pleasing him, honoring him, loving others because of him. I was thinking that as long as we keep that in our minds and hearts, that God will fill in the rest of the gaps. He'll give us the friends to confide in, the colleges to attend, the missions trips to go on, the boyfriends to love, the jobs to have, the husbands to marry, the children to raise, the joy, the saddness, the experiences, the LIFE. He died so that we may have life and have it to the full, not to worry about everything and freak out all the time. The small things are not important, we have to remember that. Because it is so easy to become caught up in things, worthless things. True happiness is not a product of this world, true happiness comes from only God, from doing his will. He wants us to be happy, and he wants us to experience the life he has given us. And we do not have to worry because he'll provide for us everything we need, if we only let him take care of us. If we let him take control of the small things that cause so much stress and anxiety, just think of the relief. It's a perfect, wonderful feeling to give your problems and worries to the Father. Yet, it takes a tremendous amount of faith. But in the end, having faith in a perfect God is much, much easier than living for the small things.

The time is now, for lifting souls.

The time is now for letting go.

From your skin, to your core.

Let light and love come rushing through the door.

It's time to make a stand,

to put your heart in greater hands.

From your skin, to your core.

Let light and love come rushing through the door.

(Phil Wickham, The Time is Now)

40 minute phone call.

When you don't talk to someone that is truly important to you for a period of time, something happens to you. You start to feel an emptiness, a void, a hole that this person is supposed to fill. This hit me today. I was feeling bored, restless, and just plain lonely, and it hit me how much I miss Sam. And you know what? I'm truly ashamed that it took me two weeks to realize this. I needed to hear her voice, and I immediately started crying when I finally did. Gosh I hate that I've been such an awful friend. I know she's busy, and I know she doesn't always have time to talk on the phone for hours but still. Six years of friendship is worth the work to me, and if I have to annoy her endlessly to get 10 minutes on the phone with her, I'll do it. Definitely. It was so nice to talk to her about everyday things and also super important things. I love her so much, and I miss being able to see her. I miss Saturday night sleepovers and going to church like two hours early and painting our nails at Arby's and wandering around aimlessly in Target for hours and reading Seventeen and taking hundreds of pictures of ourselves and talking til 3 in the morning and laughing hysterically about the stupidest things. She gets me, she would never lie to me, she will always be there for me. And I am so, so thankful that she is in my life, and she always will be because these past two weeks of not talking to her have sucked major ballz, and I don't want to go through that again.

I love you Samantha Leigh Persyn :)

A new book.

I enjoy the simple things in life - caramel apples, chapstick, thunderstorms, daisies, soft socks, making random playlists on iTunes (like the Deep Thoughts one I totally just made), dancing like Miley Cyrus - but something that I am confident will never cease to give me the chills is a new book. Yes, I am aware of how completely nerdy that sounded. I don't care.

I've loved to read since I was 4 years old. Four you say? Yes, my mother taught me to read, and I attribute the bulk of my extremely high intelligence to that. (Thanks Mom!) My first chapter book was A Bridge to Terabithia (thanks for the help, Miss Keifer!) and since then I have fallen in love with reading. I went through a Trixie Belden phase, a Baby Sitters Club phase (remember that Becca?), a Gossip Girls phase, and a books-being-made-into-movies phase. And along the way, I've learned so, so much, even if they're just small things like the names of cities in foreign countries or the names of expensive stores on 5th avenue. That's one of the best things about reading: every book offers something new to discover.

A new book is like a drug. I'm being totally serious right now. I get euphoric when I curl up in my bed at night with a book I'm just dying to get into. I love that swept up feeling, the idea that a book can literally transport my mind to a place I've never been or to a place I've never thought of. It's astounding. It's this feeling that I can't even describe. It's just the new book feeling. And it makes me happy.

So today when I opened my new book I Capture the Castle, I did what I always do. I looked at the cover (which by the way is very important, don't let anyone tell you not to judge a book by its cover) because that's the first impression of the book, I get a sense of what the book is trying to tell me just by looking at it. Then I read everything that's not actually part of the book - reviews, acknowledgments, summaries, etc. It's this idea of sort of getting to know the book before I actually proceed with reading it. Because, if you think about it, every new book is like a new person to meet. And that's what we do when we meet new people, we gauge them from all angles. Reading an entire book is a big commitment, you know. I don't want to devote hours to something that isn't going to be influential at all. So that's what I do. I get to know the book before engaging in any sort of deeper relationship. Which makes perfect sense.

And there's more. Sometimes I peek at the last page just to see the interesting things I have to look forward to. I'll admit that's cheating. There's no denying that. But I'm human right? And like I said, if I'm going to devote hours to something, I want to know it'll keep my attention up until that last sentence. The last sentence and the first sentence, those are the important ones. The first pulls you in and introduces you to the characters and scenery and conflicts while the last leaves an impression on you, leaves you with something permanent, poignant.

But the fact is, some books just don't say much at all. They may be entertaining or funny, but you'll forget them. It's the books that make your heart drop or that make you cry or that compel you to read them over and over that stay with you forever. Books like that are more than hundreds of pages bound together by a flashy cover. They aren't just objects anymore, they say something. Books like that change us, they give us a new perspective, something to carry with us as we continue our lives. It is truly a fantastic feeling to have a book touch your life in such a way that you feel as though it never ends. The scenes replay in your mind, and the lines reverberate in your ears. The words stay with you, because once you are touched by a new book, it truly becomes a part of you.

I just don't understand those people who say they hate reading. And I think that everyone can appreciate what reading has to offer, if only they find that one new book that has the ability to open their minds. And if reading a book is like meeting a new person, it's sort of sad to think about how many amazing, inspiring people we are missing by not reading. Just as each person has a story that deserves to be heard, each book has a message that deserves to be read. It's just a matter of getting to know them.

(PS: Gracias to Lindsey Ann Gemmer for providing me with the lovely insight of comparing books to people! You go girl.)

I love a piano.

On Friday I was reminded of how much I love pianos. More specifically, I love watching people play the piano. It is truly a work of art how their fingers flutter from key to key. That relationship between fingers and keys is so intimate, so honest. Listening to someone play the piano is truly like listening to them tell you a secret. I get so caught up in the sound, the power. Feelings of sadness or thoughtfulness or adoration or peace transport me, and I forget where I am.

When I was little, I would spend hours trying to teach myself songs. My only success was The Star Spangled Banner, but it was still fun to try. It was like a puzzle, trying to put the right keys together. And I would get so excited when I found the perfect combination.

I wish I could still play piano. I really wish I could read music. But, alas, I gave up piano lessons long ago because my teacher was annoying, and I hated practicing. Que lastima. Maybe I'll pick it up again someday, but until then, I'm fine with listening :)