All I need is you, Lord.

So...I've been a total jerk the past few days.  I've been ignoring people and acting like a robot and being super pathetic. STUPID. Well, I'm done. I can't do it anymore. I thought that if I felt sad on the inside, I didn't want to pretend to be okay on the outside. STUPID AGAIN. Choosing to feel depressed? Seriously? That's ridiculous. And that's not me.


I realized in this big epiphany moment [at the Glenwood Park playground] that I can't focus on things that I can't control. I can't see the future, I don't know where I'll be or who I'll be with or what I'll be doing. And even though I wish I did, I don't know what's best for me most of the time. And as much as that thought scares me to death, the fear is only temporary. After that comes relief, liberation. There's this feeling where I know I can just let go and I realize that God has everything under control.

"For I know the plans I have for you" says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." 

Jeremiah 29:11

Out of all the words written in the Bible, these bring me the most comfort. Because when I feel like everything is falling apart and nothing will ever be okay again, there's a voice inside my head that says "Stop. You know that's not true." Sometimes I literally have to say it outloud, but it never fails. Knowing that God loves me and that he has a plan for my life is bigger and better and stronger than any obstacle, emotion, struggle, mistake, tragedy that I might experience. Knowing that God is here with me holding my hand as I walk through life is enough to bring me to my knees in worship and to bring tears of joy to my eyes. That's what it is: JOY. Everlasting joy. That's what I have because I have Jesus. And nothing can ever take that away. Nothing can ever separate me from the love of God. And he is everything I will ever need. 


All I need is you, Lord. Amen.