Overwhelmed.

I feel that way a lot. And I'm finding out that when I feel that way, when I become overwhelmed with feelings of hopelessness, worry, impatience, jealousy, fear, it's because I let myself believe a tiny voice inside my head. The one that tells me that I'm not [insert adjective here] enough. The one that says I'll never accomplish what I hope for in life. The one that repeats things over and over, things like "stupid" or "ugly" or "alone" or "worthless." It's the voice that encourages me to give up, to give in, to stop fighting. And for some reason, this tiny, insignificant voice is the one that I find myself listening to more than anything else. I know that it's wrong, I know that it makes me feel awful and empty, but I keep doing it. I keep letting it get louder and louder. 

But the worst part about listening to that voice isn't the way it makes me feel. The worst part is that when this voice inside my head gets louder, it begins to drown out the voice of my Father.

Just writing those words fills my eyes with tears.

But there is hope, because the best part about all this is that I KNOW the way out. And it's through HIM. I know that the only way to lift myself up again is to reach out and grasp HIS hand, to turn my face toward HIS, and to listen to the most beautiful voice I can fathom, the voice of my SAVIOR speaking the words Kaitlyn, you are mine. And I love you.

There is nothing, NOTHING comparable to those words. And when I hear them, I am overwhelmed again. But this time, it's by His SPIRIT. His spirit that humbles me, comforts me, strengthens me, guides me, refreshes me, holds me. His spirit that opens my eyes to the beauty of creation. His spirit that calms my fears. His spirit that tells me I am understood, and I am not alone.

I was feeling overwhelmed today. I was thinking about how ardently I want to serve God with my life, but how often I find myself falling short. I felt so hopeless, so scared. But then I heard my Father's whisper. He said I see your desire. I see your heart. I see your willingness. Kaitlyn, I see you. And you are a beautiful, wonderful creation. I've written your story with my mighty hand. And with that same hand, I am holding your heart.

That my friends, is pure, complete joy.