Bring it on.

I knew stepping into Greyhouse coffeehouse for the first time would be a life changing experience. Maybe that's a tad dramatic, but seriously. It's an amazing place. Everything about it is so welcoming. It's like, I don't know, love is in the air or something.

And in a way, it really was.

Sam and I crossed the threshold of Greyhouse for some much needed time with the Lord. And as Pastor Dan says, something happens vertically when something happens horizontally. I've been feeling so restless lately. So confused, so scared. And it's not like all my problems are gone, all my worries have ceased, and all my pain is erased. It's more like I understand that those things aren't me, they aren't mine, they don't control me. And I'm beginning to understand that I let the circumstances in my life break me when I forget that I'm not in control.

Honestly, maybe it's not forgetting, maybe it's denying.

I've reached the point where I know that God wants more for me than this. He wants more for me than I want for myself. He has more love and grace and strength than I could ever imagine. And he's waiting for me to say yes. He's waiting for me to meet him. And he doesn't mind that I'm broken. Because his power is made perfect in weakness. He doesn't mind that I've made mistakes. Because he keeps no records of wrongs. And he commands me to give my problems, my worries, and my pain to him. Because he is above all things, he is in all things, and through him all things come together.

At my bible study last night, we talked about humilty. Humbling ourselves before the Lord. Offering our lives as living sacrifices. This season in my life is challenging that. So, so much. It's difficult. It's stressful. It's painful. But you know what? It's good. I'm learning every day. I'm growing up. I'm being challenged. And God is transforming my life in a way only he can.

The LORD is my strength and my shield; 

in him my heart trusts, and I am 

helped;

my heart exults,

and with my song I give thanks to him.

Psalm 28:7

I will kneel before my Father and offer him all of me. And if my eyes have to tear and my heart has to break for me to draw closer to him, then bring it on.