Oh the weather outside is weather.

I love today.

I'm pretty sure I looked like an idiot while I was walking back from class because I was smiling and bouncing. Forrealsies. It's so warm out! And it's so windy! And it's kinda rainy, which normally would be dreary. But today it was like a day in March when it's been snowy and gross for like 4 months and you're like "oh my gosh I HATE WINTER" and then you go outside and the snow is melty and it's warm out and it finally feels like spring. That's what today felt like. Which is kinda weird considering it's October...but I'm not complaining. I really wish my dorm room had a balcony because I would totally sit out there and sip coffee and write poetry or something.

You know why else I love today?

Because it has been 76 days since I've seen my best friend, Rebecca Christine Freed. Gosh I knew it was going to be hard to be separated from her for so long, but it turns out it has left a big dent in my heart. That sounds so cheesy. But I'm dead serious. We've known each other since we were in diapers and we've been through EVERYTHING together. This idea of being on my own and starting a new chapter of my life is so difficult without her being here. She's always been the one to be honest to me, to tell me I'm being stupid, and to truly listen to what I want to say. It's easy to feel sad when I think about all our memories together. But it makes me so happy to think about how strong our friendship still is even though we're miles apart. And I am overcome with joy to think about how she's doing amazing things and she's growing up and she's changing for the better. I'm so proud of her :) and I'm so glad I get to be here to encourage her and pray for her and laugh with her :) :) Oh and today? Today I get to SEE her :) :) :)

yep, I love today.

Grocery Store Withdrawal

I miss going to the grocery store. How weird is that? That's weird. Because I really hate the grocery store. Everytime I go there, I'm with my mom and she has to buy something from every aisle. Even the pets' aisles (we don't have a pet). I'm pretty sure that throughout my life I have spent a combined 45 days at the grocery store. But you know what they say, you never know what ya got til it's gone. And there is no Meijer in Lake Forest. There are no amish people to secretly mock, there are no clearance racks to peruse, and gosh dangit I haven't had a free sample in like three months. Grocery Store Withdrawal has become a serious problem for me.

There are other little things that I miss about my good old hometown. I have had to resort to illegally downloading music because I can no longer steal music from the library. And the Lake Forest city library won't let me renew online! Ridiculous! And there is a book that I really want to read, but I can't check it out because I will inevitably receive large amounts of late fees.

Nobody here says putt-putt. It's mini-golf. Not that I'm a big fan of putt-putting. I hate it actually. But it still makes me sad.

Another thing, I miss fast food. The closet thing I've had to fast food here is orange chicken at Panda Express. Which is amazing, but I'm craving more grease. I've been eating salads like every day. What the heck is that? I miss Burger King french fries and Taco Bell burritos and McDonald's chicken nuggets. I blame my parents because we had fast food about three times a week my entire life.

And, of course, I miss my house. I miss my own room with my bedside table where I can keep my books and pens and alarm clock right next to me. I miss being able to listen to my iPod while I'm in the shower. I miss having privacy while I'm in the shower (well I guess I never really had that). And I miss being able to dance around in my room without the possibility of tripping over desks, tables, clothes, bookbags, etc.

I really do love living in a dorm room, but honestly I miss my blue house with the cubs flag and green pool in Fort Wayne, Indiana. Independence is great, but it comes at cost. And it turns out that the cost of all those little things - amish people, free samples, putt-putt, greasy food, and my loud, messy house - is bigger than I thought it would be.

Fearsome Foursome Memories Extravaganza!

Well a certain someone won't leave me alone about this blasted list. So without furthur ado here we go...

-Ashley's fashion show in the dark at Camp Endurance.

-Lisa flying to the front of the van at Dare 2 Share.

-"Ya ta ta ta!"

-Ashley screaming when the siren went off in Tennessee.

-Getting drunk off of water. And fake strawberry daqueris.

-Sam seeing Butterscotch on the toilet.

-"Would the owner of the white camarro please move your car?"

-Taking pictures at the photobooth at the Rave.

-My dolphin pillow, Tasey, Ashley's bunny, and Joshie Bear.

-"Bidi bidi bah! I like how I wasn't in that picture!"

-Arguing about how I actually said that^

-Laughing hysterically at Patrick playing with those little Arby's toys.

-Magazine Face.

-"Yo my name is bunny, people say I'm funny I'd like to call you funny...dang it!"

-Singing Kokomo about 52342343 times at Becca's birthday party.

-Sleepovers out on Becca's porch.

-My marriage and divorce to Jon.

-Ashley's birthday scavenger hunt at the mall.

-"Why don't you look it up in the dic...tionary?"

-Playing UNO on the lake trip.

-"Can you get a tan from a campfire?"

-The Power Rangers, the Tizzle Dizzles, and the Panthers.

-Going out on the pond at Sam's house.

-Seeing Wicked.

-"Shut up you Ukranian butthole!"

-The Brainquest Game Show.

-Sam tripping while playing MatBall

-Jumping out the window at that winter camp.

-Plucking each other's eyebrows.

-Posing with Elvis.

-"Don't they have that in all 52 states?"

-Getting attacked by water guns while playing DDR at Camp Endurance.

-Posing as Destiny's Child girls at Ashley's birthday party.

-"I'm Nigel, I'm Nigel, I'm Nigel, I'M NIGEL!!"

-Watching the Notebook, and crying during the conversation afterwards.

-Pretending it was Sam's birthday at Casa's and not getting a cake.

-The silly string in Bad Patrick's face incident.

-Making fun of Todd saying "I suggest..."

-Youth Group, Dear Readers.

-The Mystery Fart that NOBODY will own up to.

-American Girl Dolls.

-Curling each other's hair for church.

-"Shut the mustard."..."That's what she said!"

-Me and Ashley's Curlers Incident.

-Every single one of us had a crush on Travis Block.

-Seeing Jon McLaughlin (twice for some of us).

-Making videos in the bathroom at the Y.

-"It's simply rat droppings in the back corner."

-Angela's Lizard on the Ceiling Incident.

-Angela's Falling in the Hallway Incident.

-"Tim, shut up."

-Almost dying multiple times when Patrick would turn around and talk to us on road trips.

-525,600 minutes Seasons of Love.

-Arguing about who actually said that^

-"Swings!"

-Making fun of Becca's SPF 50.

-Scaring the crap out of Mandy Rowland when we bombardered her at our first meeting.

-Becca's baptism.

Goodness gracious! That's not even half. That's not even close to half. The Fearsome Foursome has been through it ALL. You guys are more than my best friends. You mean the world to me. And I wouldn't trade a thing for all that we've shared together. We're going to continue to do great things, and no matter what happens, always know that I love each of you for being exactly who you are. I'm here for you, always. I thank God every day for putting you in my life.

Yep, I'm crying. Tears of joy baby :)

Something struck me today.

Something struck me today. People are always saying "I live life with no regrets" and this is so strange to me. Is that even possible? There are times when I regret something the second I say it. Or I look back on a specific moment and wish I could do the total opposite of what I did. I struggle with regret because I struggle with second chances. I want something and if I don't get it, I tend to give up. When I try so hard to achieve something only to have it thrown back in my face, I lose that drive that allowed me to get there in the first place. How is it even possible for me to start over when I lost? That's what gets me. That loser mentality. Losers lose because they did something wrong. Losers lose because they let something beat them. And the regret I feel after losing feels too unbearable to try again.

I think that regret, at least for me, is a transitional feeling. When I'm looking back on a situation and realizing that it could have played out in so many different ways, I panic. I beat myself up for not seeing something obvious or saying too much or even wanting something in the first place. This panicking stage is all about regret. I can't let go of that regret until I realize that all this happened for a reason. It is only then that I can calm down and start over. It is at that point that I have no regrets. Holy frick on a stick, I can't wait to get to that point.

Why am I continually amazed by God?

Why am I continually amazed by God? I mean he's GOD. He's all-powerful and perfect and full of more love than we can ever imagine. I know all this. And yet I find myself surprised when God lifts me up and renews my strength. Like it's a rare occurrence. No, trust me it's not. I have days where I feel completely hopeless. Like I can't do anything right or that nothing good is going to come my way. But then I talk to God. And it's truly astounding how I begin to change. A passage of the Bible will speak directly to my heart. Telling God my worries and anxieties transfers them to him, and he gives me peace. Listening to a worship song or even just seeing a smile on someone's face pulls me out from the darkness that seems to surround me.

God's light is visible. Always. This will never cease to amaze me.

Here it is folks!

I know you have all been thinking the same thing: "I love quoting movies and television, and I love making people confused. How can I combine the two into something fantastic?"

Well, here it is folks!

Kaitlyn Beer's Top Ten Movie/Television Quotes That Can Be Inserted Randomly Into Everyday Conversation:

10. "He's fixing a divot!" from Space Jam

-Okay so this one pretty much can only answer the question "what's that guy doing?" but it's great to have in your back pocket if that special moment should ever arise. Also it must be yelled.

9. "That's right, lots of people!" from Bring it On

-Whenever anyone is talking about a large crowd of people, this is definitely a good one to use. Make sure you say it in a bratty, whiny, cheerleader-y voice.

8. "Dang it Trudy! What about the pineapple?" from How I Met Your Mother

-Now I understand that you probably don't know anyone named Trudy, and conversations about pineapples just aren't that common. But still this delightful phrase is perfect for such occasions as: when someone won't tell you something, when you are repeatedly asking the same question with no answer, or when you ask a question to someone and he keeps avoiding answering. Yes I am aware that all of those situations are basically the same thing.

7. "This corn is like an angel." from Dan in Real Life

-Basically this one can be used whenever anyone says anything about angels. It's a crowd pleaser.

6. "She doesn't even go here!" from Mean Girls

-As probably the funniest line from the movie, this line is great on its own. However the highest comedic achievement is attenable when an individual speaks out on a matter in which he/she is not involved. Also, it should be said in a high-pitched, fake-girly voice. Kind of like a gay guy pretending to be a girl.

5. "I can't bring people back from the dead, it's not a pretty picture, I don't like doing it!" from Aladdin

-There is no situation that I can think of that would require this response. Unless you're actually talking about bringing people back from the dead. So just use this one at your own risk.

4. "Why don't you just tell me the name of the movie you've selected!" from Seinfeld

-This one would be good if used when someone won't tell you something etc. (see #8). This line should also be accompanied with a sort of upward shaking of the head.

3. "This class is ridiculous." from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

-There are a couple of essential elements that must accompany this line. First of all, it must be said in a thick British accent. Second, it must be followed by a creepy eyebrow raise. This one pretty obviously can be used whenever anyone says anything is ridiculous. The random accent is sure to turn heads whenever you use this bad boy.

2. "Well then tell them I had a seizure." from 10 Things I Hate About You

-Because this movie is utterly fantastic, any line can be used randomly in conversation. This specific line, though difficult to insert into daily conversation, is a comedic gold mine.

1. "Oy with the poodles already!" from Gilmore Girls

-This one is number one because, honestly people, it's a classic. It can be said out of frustration, in the presence of poodles, when someone says "oy", or basically anytime, anywhere. It's a wonderful catch phrase that combines two of the funniest words known to man. Thank you Lorelai Gilmore. You are my hero.

Well, folks, hope you enjoyed the list. And I hope it helps make your daily conversations more randomly interesting and slightly awkward. Don't be afraid of weird looks! Embrace them! Good luck :)

Musicals.

Musicals.

Just looking at that word makes me happy. I am not exaggerating. The day Mrs. Bowlin showed the Phantom of the Opera in 7th grade choir was the day I found my life obsession. Also not an exaggeration. I get the chills while listening to Defying Gravity every single time. Maybe This Time from Caberet gives me the sudden urge to sing on top of a bar and dump a cocktail on some guy's head. When I watch the La Vie Boheme scene from Rent, I feel like I'm a part of something bigger than myself, like I'm taking a stand against society too. I'd give anything to be serenaded by Ewan McGregor like Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge!. And of course I'd pee my pants/pass out/scream if I ever met Kristin Chenoweth.

It's hard to put my finger on exactly what about musicals excites me so much. I admire the astronomical work that is put into each and every show. I am in awe of the ability of the actors to invoke such powerful emotion. And I love the escape that they provide, that feeling of being completely transported to Buenos Aires or Paris or Oz or New York City. Yes, they are entertaining, but it is so much more than that. Musicals can be broken down into an explicit formula - the overture, the introduction, the conflict, the humor, the climax, the love scene, the conflict again, the resolve, the happy ending - yet it doesn't translate to predictability. Again and again I feel the character's pain, I rejoice when they finally get what they want, and I am surprised at how everything comes together in the end. Maybe I'm sappy or just plain lame, but musicals never get old. Each scene holds something to be cherished, each character offers a degree of insight, and each song has the ability to stir something within me.

I love musicals because they are perfect adaptations of reality. This may sound weird considering in reality people don't sing in the streets or dance with inanimate objects or solve all their problems as the curtain falls. But the fact is, life can be like that. And if we search hard enough, life can offer us as much fulfillment as the opening notes of the dramatic overture, the pivotal love scene, or the final bow.

Yes, they can be cheesy. And no, not everyone shares my views on the essence of their masterpiece. But there is no denying that musicals are at least interesting. I mean seriously how fantastic would it be if we could each pour our hearts out to each other using the perfect combination of words and melody while standing under a spotlight in front of hundreds of adoring fans? I would say pretty darn fantastic.

Well I guess I'll explain my blog title.

Well I guess I'll explain my blog title.

I don't know where exactly I heard of Michael Buble, and this may sound really super cheesy, but he has changed my life. Seriously. The man is a genius. Yes, I know he mostly does remakes of classic songs, but he does them so well. He's honest and passionate and...perfect. So that is why I named my blog after him. More specifically after my favorite song by him, Everything (which is a Buble original I might add).

And, of course, there's a reason that song is my favorite.

"You're a falling star, you're the getaway car, you're the line in the sand when I go too far. You're the swimming pool on an August day, and you're the perfect thing to say.

And I can't believe that I'm your man and I get to kiss you, baby, just because I can. Whatever comes our way, oh we'll see it through, cuz you know that's what our love can do.

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times, it's you, it's you. You make me sing. You're every line, you're every word, you're everything."

It's probably pretty obvious why that song is my favorite. Because I want someone to say that to me. I want to be someone's everything. I want to make someone sing. I want a man that gets to kiss me just because he can. And you know what? I don't think that's too much to ask. I don't think that's selfish of me. And I think I deserve it.

Now I just have to practice something that I am HORRIBLE at: patience. I just have to remember that God has him picked out already and he's out there somewhere.

And to quote the spectacular Michael Buble again "I promise you, kid, I'll give so much more than I get. I just haven't met you yet."

Oh! I remember where I first heard of Michael (we're on a first name basis). It was in Laura Buncich's van. And it was Everything too! I am eternally grateful, Laura :)

You know what makes me angry?

You know what makes me angry? The fact that someone felt the need to remind me that I have wonderful friends. I don’t need reminded! I know that they’re amazing. This one goes out to those amazing people. You know who you are :) ____________________________________________________

Never Alone

I am in a fog.

I am walking, detached, staring only at my feet.

I want so much to remove the clouds from my view.
I want to see things again.

The mist brings numb waves that crash against me. I stand there and take them. There is nothing I can do.

There is no relief, no solace from the never-ending cycle.

There comes a point when I can take no more. The waves have broken me. I have lost my sense of being.

Now I am reaching, grasping, praying for an escape. When it seems hopeless, when I am ready to give in, something happens.

I remember something.

I remember that I am not alone.

Finally, relief. Suddenly, a hand.

I am embraced by love. By those who know me, those who can see through the mist and waves and reassure me that they will not destroy me.

Their words calm me, their smiles change me.

The fog still surrounds me, and the waves continue to crash, but I have been renewed.

Because of the fire that has been relit within me, the fog doesn’t seem as thick, the waves as threatening.

I have been rescued. I am so thankful.

I am truly blessed.

I thought I hated running.

I thought I hated running. I remember that feeling before a race. That mixture of wanting to throw up and wanting there to be some freak natural disaster like an earthquake or tsunami so I didn’t have to run. And then that stupid gun. It shot off and my heart stopped. Gosh why did I do that? I never wanted to run in those races. I didn’t want to reach the horrible point at which I could pass out and, oh yeah, still have to run another half mile with some stupid girl like a half a step behind me waiting for the opportunity to pass me. And I haven’t even mentioned the crowd. Seriously? Somebody yelling “come on don’t let that girl pass you!” gives me no motivation whatsoever to run faster. Even the people who don’t yell anything are just as bad because they’re watching. It’s awkward when people are watching you, it’s disastrous when they’re seeing that disgusting running face that is pained, sweaty, and grotesque. Who would want complete strangers seeing that? Not me. The only relief from running cross country was the end of the race. And that is honestly is not a good enough reason to torture myself.

So for three years I did torture myself, and I was always jealous and perplexed by those people who loved running, who excelled at it, who looked like they could keep running forever and actually be happy about it. I’ve always thought those people were crazy.

But then one day (I know the exact date actually. It was September 12, 2009) I got the urge to run, I became one of those crazy people. There was a specific reason why, which for now will remain a mystery [creepy smile], but I will say that for the first time running put a smile on my face. I didn’t think that was possible.

After that I started running around the neighborhood that surrounds LFC. I never really know exactly where I’m going or how far I’m running. But I think that’s the beauty of it. When I don’t have a specific route laid out and I don’t have a watch telling me how fast my miles are, running is actually liberating. This is so contradictory to everything I’ve ever known about running. Before it was like running was controlling me and I was always fighting with it. But now it’s like me and running are working together. While I’m running, there’s nothing to distract me from my thoughts. It’s just me and the pavement. Running clears my head and gives me the chance to reflect, to plan, to pray. Me and running are good pals now, and I kind of feel bad for hating it so much before.